We got the official results on Saturday. We are devastated. It's just not fucking fair. Why is it so goddamn easy for some people? Why is it so hard for us? Saturday was also 6 months since the boys died. I hate this. I hate that this is my life.
And then yesterday was Mother's Day. Talk about an "instead". I should have beautiful, 3 month old baby boys. Instead I have nothing. No babies, no pregnancy, and pretty much no hope. I'm just so sad and so very tired of being sad.
It's so easy to close my eyes and envision how my life should be right now. To see the boys as happy, living babies filling our home and our lives. Sometimes I just want to keep my eyes closed forever.
I have been following your blog through "not quiet the life I imagined" for a little bit now, but I have never commented. I wish I had words to comfort you. I wish I had something to say to take away your pain. No women should go through what you have. You are right, it's not fair. Not fair at all! My heart aches and breaks for you! I pray that god grants you the joy of a happy healthy baby!
ReplyDeleteJen
I feel your pain honey. Hubby and I have been trying now since August 2005 to get pregnant and still haven't. I couldn't imagine losing your twins. That must be more devistating than what i'm going through. People like u and I could stick together to cope with this. I have only 1 friend that understands what i am going through and all the others just pop out babies left and right.
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks that it didn't work for you. Life really does suck sometimes and it truely isn't fair.
ReplyDeleteWell, shit honey. I'm sorry. IF sucks and I'd destroy it if I could. None of it makes sense.
ReplyDelete