Anxious

Today I'm feeling very anxious about tomorrow. We have a full day of doctor's appointments. We are meeting with our RE, the MFM that delivered the boys, the hospital's perinatal loss coordinator, and our counselor. We need to have these appointments. We need answers and recommendations for the future. We need to know our options. I know all this but I still don't want to go. It's going to be so hard to go back to the clinic. The last time we were there was when we were released back in July. We were so happy and hopeful then. I don't want to go back to the hospital. There are too many memories. It all just seems so hard. I want to begin looking to the future and I want the doctors opinions on whether we should get pregnant again, when, and what the care plan would be. At the same time it seems too soon to think about moving on. It seems like I'm leaving my babies farther and farther behind. I know life has to go on but this is not the life I want so where does that leave me?